dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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