I intend to get homeless drunk
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
