He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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