Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
