Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
