After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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