I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
