The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
