You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
