So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
