Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My sheets look like a crime scene.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
