Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
