I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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