if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
