It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
