I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
