I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
