I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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