addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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