Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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