It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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