I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
