Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
