So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
