I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Couch. On fire.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
