everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
