I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
