Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
