peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
