If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
