I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
