My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
