I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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