I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
