I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My vagina just recognized that song.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
