she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
