My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
