were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
