Screwed.edu
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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