The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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