how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
