she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
