I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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