At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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