can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
