id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
