i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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