I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
