did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bring me that man meat
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
