y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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