i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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