Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
